Lessons from my sister...

My sister got to ring a bell after her last day of chemo.

When I watch the video of her ringing the bell, it always makes me cry.

For her…

And for the people who never get to ring the bell. 

My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer a little over a year ago. 

She started chemo last Christmas, which is one reason it’s been on my mind lately.

As cliche as it sounds, it all happened so fast. One minute we were closing down Bacaro Primo after drinking far too much wine… 

The next, I was wrapping her head in medical ice packs (called a Cold Cap), trying to save her (dare I say famous) beautiful curly hair without burning her scalp off.

I’ve been with my sister for 38 years…

During this time, I haven’t seen my sister cry a lot…

That is until cancer.

My sister is a mixture of Audrey Hepburn, Martha Stewart, and the Hulk. 

The world doesn’t make many women like her. (And when it does, it tends to send them to prison for being fucking fabulous. But hey, let’s not talk about that right now, okay?)

So naturally, seeing my sister cry was hard.

It was like seeing a grown man cry.

There’s something so heartbreaking about it…

Yet, on her last day of chemo, as I watched her ring the bell, her voice cracking, tears coming down her face, I didn’t – and don’t – see heartbreak.

As “Live, Laugh, Love” wall-art-adjacent as this may sound…

I see a woman who may have lost her hair, breasts, hormones, and a care-free YOLO attitude about health to chemo and cancer.

But I also see a woman that didn’t let chemo or cancer take the best parts.

In fact, in some ways, it made her even stronger and better – if that’s even possible.

A year later, my sister renovated a house, continued being a super mom, bought Christmas presents for kids in need through her family charity… 

She’s raised money for women with cancer who can’t afford wigs and has gone after her professional dreams with the same fiery energy a toddler has when you say the word nap.

She is going to do what she wants to do.

No one is going to stand in her way.

There is no pacifying her. 

If I take anything from this hard year, it will be that.

I will be ruthless in pursuit of what matters most.

There are a few other things I’ve learned from my big sister’s cancer that may or may not help you: 

1. GET A FUCKING MAMMOGRAM. Even if you aren’t 40. 

2. If you have breast cancer in your family, you should find a Breast Cancer Prevention Center and look into getting genetic testing. They may tell you that you need more regular screening.

3. Don’t think it won’t happen to you.

4. Up your life insurance if you have children. (Before your mammogram.)

5. Write the book. Build the 👻 newsletter. Start the business of your dreams. Do the thing that’s been nagging at your heart. You can start small. You don’t have to blow up your life. Just start. 

6. And finally, as Charleston Parker said (or Albert Einstein, hard to say these days with the internet…), “We have three choices in life. We can give up, give in and settle and become a victim of circumstance, or we can give it all we’ve got…”

Let’s do like my sister, the Hulk Martha…

And give it all we fucking got, shall we?

❤️ XOXO,

Kayti

P.S. If you don’t know what you want in life anymore, this might offer some perspective...

I recently read Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. 

Oliver basically says if we live to 80 we’ve got 4,000 weeks to live.

Right now, at 38, that means I’ve got about 1,465 weeks left to live.

He talks a lot about not doing it all, or having it all, but focusing on the stuff that REALLY matters to you before you die.

If it sounds aggressive, that’s because it is.

If you need a good cosmic slap in the face, I highly recommend it.